I TRIED

May 17, 1981 ... At the age of 27, I heard the Gospel message for the first time and received Jesus Christ into my life. 

But then ... a spiritual battle began. 

I dedicated myself to walking uprightly before God, but sin's power over my flesh prevented me from doing so. For years I was an insecure, crestfallen follower ... fighting against an enemy I could not defeat. All my efforts to obey the standards set forth in the Bible fell pitifully short. 

Doubts concerning the certainty of salvation came often to my beleaguered mind. 

The futile routine to which I had chained myself eventually broke me; it was a demeaning cycle of 'trying', 'failing', and 'repenting' ... 'trying', 'failing', and 'repenting' ... 'trying', 'failing', and 'repenting'. Decades passed with no respite for my soul. 

During that awful time of desolation, there was one scripture that seemed to proclaim what was in my heart ... O wretched man that I am. Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? Romans 7:24

Utter 'brokenness' is what the Lord was patiently waiting for, it seems. It was in my emptiness that He brought the understanding I needed ... that Christ was 'sufficient' not only for my one-time salvation but for life itself. He had not abandoned me. 

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.  Ephesians 2:8-10

Obedience could never happen as long as I continued to usurp His authority over my life. Total surrender to Christ's Lordship would accomplish that which continually slipped through my fingers. 

I could finally be set free ... and by His grace, I was. The self-loathing was silenced and joy took its place.  

I've since committed the following verse to memory. It reminds me from where the source of abundant life emanates ... I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Christianity is not a legalistic list of do's and don’ts; a religious system that depends on human effort for morality. It is instead Jesus' life surging through you, initiating obedience for which you cannot claim credit. 

The Holy Spirit is always at work, not to develop your 'character' but to urge you toward abiding in Christ moment by moment. 

He has already won your 'war within', pilgrim.