THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT

Of the Ten Commandments, the fifth can be difficult to fully grasp ... 

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)

The command would be much easier to obey if the Lord had said "Honor your parents if they are good, kind, and loving", but it states “Honor your father and mother” ... period. 

Paul reminded believers that the commandment was still relevant ... Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may turn out well for you, and that you may live long on the earth. (Ephesians 6:1-2) 

It is listed among the ominous signs leading up to Christ's return ... But know this, that in the last days, perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents. (2 Timothy 3:1-2)

But what about the many hurt and damaged Christians who find this particular commandment nearly impossible to carry out? How can they honor and obey parents who are abusive? 

Unthinkable acts of cruelty have a lasting impact on one's soul. But even if a child is not the victim of 'undisguised' abuse, he can suffer from a more 'subtle' type. 

When the need for love and approval is withheld the soul shrivels up, causing a child to be desperate for the smallest demonstration of affection. As an adult, he may appear normal on the outside ... yet crippled on the inside by the indifference of his parents.

The Gospel message can be difficult to comprehend for those who have never known what it is to experience 'grace' from a parent. But if a person is willing to step out by faith, the Holy Spirit will take the heart calloused by an abusive childhood and replace it with one that can receive the transcendency of God's perfect love ... 

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

So, what does honoring an abusive parent look like in real life? 

1. By the grace of God, be willing to forgive, honoring both God and the parent. 

2. Pray for them and replace feelings of disappointment with compassion.
3. Establish physical and emotional boundaries to stop the cycle of abuse.  

4. Be a light in their dark world so that they might see a different path to take.  

The Bible commands us to forgive but that does not mean we must remain a prisoner. To 'honor' is not defined as 'permanent submission to parental authority'. There is no guilt in keeping one’s distance from abuse ... so long as the separation is not motivated by vengeance. 

Allow the void to be filled by Christ, rather than pining for a parental relationship that may never take place.